Ha...

It's kind of sad that the only reason I'm excited about tomorrow being Friday is because I can work out all night tomorrow... Hopefully no one wants to hang out with me. My anti-socialism is coming back, which isn't good but I can deal with it. It just makes me want to be alone and everyone pisses me off, and I just hate everyone around me and I yell at them for no reason. Sadly I have plans on Saturday. I really hope no one tries to hang out with me tomorrow. I just want to be alone and work out. And just in case I can't work out tomorrow, I'm not going to eat... that should make up for it. And if I don't eat, I should be in the 140's by Saturday or Sunday. I'm pretty sure my weight loss isn't water weight because I've been drinking tons of water the past couple of days. But... I really just want to be alone. I wish I didn't have to sleep, or go to school. I'm so over all of those kids at my highschool, there's too much useless drama and bullshit and I'm sick of it. I hate that the most "important" thing these kids have to deal with is who their dating at the moment. I like how my weight influences my mood for the day, and the number of people who they flirt with each day influences there. Sometimes I wish I could be thin just so I could act like a slut just like everyone else. But then I realize that I only want to be thin so I can be loved and cared for, and being a slut doesn't seem so appealing anymore. Not that I'm not going to do it, anyway. It just not what truly drives me (not most of the time). I know I make no sense, the words in my head are all confused an jumbled. I have nothing to say but everything at the same time. I know nothing but it all. I need everything but nothing. Please give me nothing. Make me suffer, but be happy. I will be happy, I know that. I will never be happy otherwise. Hopefully I don't gain from those two bowls of cereal I had...